Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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