Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
