After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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