the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
