how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
