Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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