forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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