Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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