Soap is not a condiment
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
