What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
