I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
