I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
