girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
