New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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