Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
