32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
