dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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