I molested 6 butterflies tonight
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
