Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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