well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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