May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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