I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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