After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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