I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
