Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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