So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
