1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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