I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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