i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
