I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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