You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
