I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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