Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
