Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
