my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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