can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
