I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize