guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
