This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
