Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
