Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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