I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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