last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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