Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
