I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
