i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
