I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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