"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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