sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
