I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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