He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My sheets look like a crime scene.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
