So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
