id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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