Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
