i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
