It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
