come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
