I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
