I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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