P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
