Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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