she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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