ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize