there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
