Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
