Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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