I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she smelled like a LAN party
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
