So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
