No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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