found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
