If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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