No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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