she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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