This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
