you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
