What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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