Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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