No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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